Once again ... A new year ...

Once again I find that another year has passed me by and unlike other years where my life has stayed the same, and stale like year old bread this time as the new year springs up my life has been turned upside down and landed with a hard slap of reality right on top on me. As the year started in 2012 I vowed to make changes in my life - be better. Never could I have imagined where this would take me. It began with the simple challenge of losing weight. Which is - I know a pitiful, and common issue for the average woman - but for me like most women faced with the problem of weight, my size was the spear in my side, causing me so much unbearable pain, and yet I was never brave enough to just yank it out - it was the crutch I used when things I wanted or crushes I longed for did not come my way. I had come to accept that I would never be rid of it - but something last year changed all that. It started with a simple visit to Pinterest - an obsession of mine at the time and still is - but on this visit as I perused the images and words that filled my senses with unimagined beauty that I knew could never be mine, I came across a quote. It was silly really, no big deal in other peoples eyes - but for me it changed my life. It was a simple black and white post that read - 2012 will be the last fat year of my life. And just like that in an instant I believed what it said. After the many, many failed diet attempts - this time for some bizarre reason I believed. It was honestly the craziest thing. I believed - and not like - wow that was a great quote I'm going to lose weight now - but like a soul changing, mind blowing, holy shit - 2012 WILL BE THE LAST FAT YEAR OF MY LIFE!!!!

And so the journey began. I began exercising almost everyday for at least 40 - 60 minutes - the time I would waste, and yet enjoy thoroughly enjoy watching, the most recent episode of Housewives of some city or another, and reduced my calories to 1200. The exercising wasn't so bad, but the letting go of food was a torture of unimagined proportions. I LOVE food (present tense). There is no food I have yet to taste that has caused me to put down my fork and remove myself from a table. Junk food, fried food, healthy food, Indian food - bring it on. Food was my friend - that bitch. Of course it was a toxic one sided relationship, worse than any one-night stand turned obsession could be, that dug that spear in just a little bit deeper - but who cared when it feels so good and your belly was wonderfully satisfied. I knew I had to stop. I decided to do things my way and forget all the self help magazines and articles I had read and reread a million times before. I could eat anything I wanted as long as I stayed within the 1200 calorie range. If that meant starving all day to enjoy three slices of pizza at night so be it. And slowly, but what to my wondering eyes should appear? Results.

My clothes began to get looser. The exercising became a habit. The food no longer became an issue. From January to August I managed to loose an amazing 60+ pounds to reach my goal weight - a fact that I share proudly with anyone who asks. And boy did they ask. People no longer recognized me, family offered praise and congratulations, students called me skinny, parents said I looked amazing, colleges asked for my advice. Suddenly, I had become a weight loss guru - and yet my advice did not take a rocket scientist to figure out. No magic pill, no fancy gym or equipment - Exercise and STOP eating so damn much and trust me you will loose weight.

But as the weight came off and I began looking better - I still did not feel so good. I was getting the results I wanted yet still felt empty.  I couldn't help but wonder what the hell is wrong with me?

HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE A TEACHER?

LOVE THIS!, surprised it came from Jeff Foxworthy. 

You get a secret thrill out of laminating things. You can hear 25 voices behind you and know exactly which one belongs to the child out of line.  You walk into a store and hear the words, “It’s Ms./Mr. ____________ and know you have been spotted.  You have 25 people who accidentally call you Mom/Dad at one time or another.  You can eat a multi-course meal in under 25 minutes.  You’ve trained yourself to go to the bathroom at two distinct times of the day, lunch and planning period.  You start saving other people’s trash, because most likely, you can use that toilet paper tube or plastic butter tub for something in the classroom. # You believe the Teacher’s Lounge should be equipped with a margarita machine.  You want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work 7 to 3 and have summers off”.  You believe chocolate is a food group.  You can tell if it’s a full moon without ever looking outside. You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, “Boy, the kids are sure mellow today.”  You feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior when you are out in public.  You believe in aerial spraying of Ritalin.  You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form. You spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.  You can’t pass the school supply aisle without getting at least 5 items!  You ask your friends to use their words and explain if the left hand turn he made was a “good choice” or “bad choice.”  You find true beauty in a can full of perfectly sharpened pencils.  You are secretly addicted to hand sanitizer. You understand, instantaneously, why a child behaves in a certain way after meeting his/her parents

A new year!

I don't know about you, but I am more than happy to see 2011 finally go. I am excited about the year ahead, and what 2012 will bring!  This year I have decided against making a dreaded resolution, which always end up making me feel like a loser leaving Las Vegas, and instead have decided to call it a goal. My goal for 2012 is to try to be better. Okay, now some people might call this a total cop-out, but I beg to differ. In 2012 I'm just going to strive to be better. A better mother, wife, teacher, and all around person. How will I accomplish this goal? Well I'm not quite sure about that yet. I know it involves attempting to have a lot more patience, a virtue which I tend to lack sometimes,  and understanding. Understanding of myself, my children, my family, my students, etc. I want to be braver, and less critical of myself, take chances, and not worry about what everyone will think about it. I want to be healthier, for me and my kids. I know it is a lot, but I refuse to be overwhelmed. Small steps, will lead me to my big goal, at least I hope so.

Let's have a great 2012~!

To publish or not to publish that is the question ...

After many months of writing, rewriting, editing, and numerous failed attempts to try to find an agent, the time came to make a choice. Let my book - that I labored so hard over, gather dust in my documents file or get the courage to publish it online. It was a tough decision. I mean on the one hand my book finally gets the opportunity to be read by others and on the the other hand my book gets read by others. As a new player in this game of writing I am honestly terrified to actually let others read what I have written, especially since no agents found it worthy to represent. What if it sucks? What if no one likes it? What if I am a terrible writer and should never type another word again? And the only answer I came up with was - Screw everyone else!

I write for me.

So finally after many months Something Wicked is available for all to read. I hope you like. No, I hope you love it. But if you don't that's okay too.